Simplifying

I've been trying to simplify my life. The whole process has turned out to be rather complicated. How simple can life get with a husband who's gone twelve hour each day, seven year old twins, and a kindergartener? Regardless, I've been trying.

You see, this year has been, well, not easy. We have suffered through a job loss that resulted in four months without a salary, the sudden deaths of both my husband's mom and my younger sister, a weakening economy, our daughter being diagnosed with ADHD, and it's been my first year as primary president. My stress level has been at a near all-time high. In an attempt to counteract the lack of control I have in the universe in general, I have taken to controlling everything else. I can throw stuff out. I can cut things out of our schedule. I can change dentists. I can return all of the library books and refuse to borrow any more. I can require that all grain products consumed in our home be made from whole-grains (except for my annual box of ding dongs). I can toss all games and puzzles that are missing pieces. I can do laundry on Wednesdays only...

Except, I can't. I spend a great deal of time thinking about the various ways I could make my life simpler, but then the guilt hits and I fail to follow through. I continue to add to our schedule, because I want to give my kids every opportunity. I feel guilty about changing dentists - even though I hate the guy we have now. I can't leave a library empty handed. And sometimes - just sometimes - Captain Crunch calls to me like a long lost friend. I end up doing laundry nearly every day - at least in some form. And the whole process of simplification has left me feeling more out of control than ever.

Welcome to my life.